deaconator:

iwasborntoloveyouqueen:

mysoul-is-painted-on-your-mom:

Here we see the Camel-Toed Deaky in its natural habitat- Montreal.

What it lacks in musculature and speed, it makes up for in ingenuity. By having a bright blue coat, the Camel-Toed Deaky appears exotic and potentially poisonous to any would-be predators. Its fuzzy, heavily-styled hair also protects its large brain from attack since most predators despise the taste of hair gel. 

Its long, dexterous index and middle fingers further protect the Deaky; a quick jab to the attacker’s eyes sends most fan-girls and reporters running. 

By far the most ingenious adaptation of the Camel-Toed Deaky is its namesake: its extensive male camel-toe. Long regarded as a myth, the Camel-Toed Deaky is the only creature known to exhibit male camel-toe. Its outer coat presses tightly against its skin, separating the testicles and pressing the scrotum 1/4 inch into its body.

While many biologists have questioned the need for such an uncomfortably tight coat, the true reason is quite remarkable: the Camel-Toed Deaky is a prolific breeder with a high percentage and volume of potent sperm swimming inside its scrotum. Without its outer coat constraining the scrotum and choking out several million sperm, females of its species would die from the sheer number of pregnancies and sextuplets their virile male counterparts would cause.

why on earth did i just write this 

JUST SPIT OUT MY TEA DSFKJGHDFKGWHATDYING

Omg. BEST THING EVER. I’m gonna read this every day. If I had been drinking something, it would have gone all over my keyboard.

(Source: bitofmustard)